Sunday, May 27, 2018

With chronic illness, it so easy to forget gratitude. Chronic illness can cause brain fog and forgetfulness as well as mood swings that are unpredictable. One thing that it cannot take away is our ability to serve gratitude.

Every other Sunday, I take methotrexate for my PsA. I don’t like doing self injections and today was particularly difficult because I bled some – I am not good with blood. However, I was thankful for the medication that may sustain me another year without damage to my organs, to keep my walking unaided by a wheel chair or walking device, like my Papa. This Tuesday, I go to my rheumatologist’s office and they administer two of the most painful injections, I’ve ever had in my life, Cimzia. But, I am grateful that I don’t have to give them to myself and for the medication that can give me some quality of life.

One thing that I am learning, is that gratitude and happiness are not interchangeable. My study in Buddhism is teaching me that the two are different. Gratitude you serve to the world; happiness you feel. Both are important and have their place in everyone’s life. But, when you can’t feel happiness, you can serve gratitude. And today, while I am not happy that I have to take medication for a disease not desired, I am grateful that I have the medication. I am grateful for my friends and family for supporting me when I don’t feel well after the administration. I am grateful for the doctor’s and researchers that provide this medication. I am grateful for all of you for taking time out of your day to read this.

Lots of health and love.

~A